“The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It’s always been a mess. We are not going to change it.” ~ Joseph Campbell
When most people hear this quote, they freak out. “But it’s our JOB to change the world for the better!!!” As if this quote is threatening their sense of self and sense of purpose as an activist in the world.
Truthfully though, the only thing we can do is change the way we SEE the world by changing ourselves and, therefore, our perception of Self and the world around us. We do this through various mindfulness practices.
Now, when I say “mindfulness”, most people automatically default to meditation. But they’re not the same, you see. Meditation can be a component of a mindfulness practice, but it’s a separate thing that can exist in a vacuum, independent of any other mindfulness practices.
Speaking on the practice of mindfulness, I first want to touch on the important concept of seeing clearly “what is”: that is, seeing beyond our illusions and doing the often uncomfortable work to dissolve our attachments, expectations, assumptions and demands of life. When are PLENTIFUL.
True mindfulness, I believe, is in cultivating a healthy, grounded, balanced and sane relationship to the nature of life itself while seeing that WE are also life itself. Not apart from it – and not separate from it.
We ARE life. And therefore the nature of reality – of life – is our essential nature as well. We get into trouble, then, when we are in resistance to reality and not accepting what is happening in the present moment.
In a practical sense, mindfulness is best practiced not only in meditation, or prayer, or affirmations – but also in our everyday choice to respond or react to the situations that arise our lives.
Life itself is inherently neutral – WE bring the meaning to it.
We bring our belief systems, our conditioning, our desires and preferences into every single situation.
I’ll give you an example of this: have you ever met a couple who was transitioning out of their romantic relationship?
Sometimes, one person in the relationship feels as if they’ve just been liberated from solitary confinement for years and feels an expansive freedom for the first time in ages.
The other person feels as if their world has just ended and they have no reason to live anymore.
Same situation – neutral and without inherent meaning – but different interpretations and assigned meanings based on the individuals experiencing the situation.
Life is a blank canvas – we bring the color and texture and emotion to it.
So what does this mean?
This means that you have a choice in every situation.
You have a choice to assign whatever meaning you want to it – AND – if you want to respond or react to it.
You can choose to be a victim or an activist.
You can choose to be a success or a failure.
You can choose to wallow in your brokenness or find a way to heal yourself.
It’s all your choice – and a key aspect of mindfulness is realizing the power of your choice to shape your reality in every moment.
It’s a conscious awareness inside that says, “Ah, yes, I am choosing THIS. On some level, conscious or unconscious, I am choosing this willfully.”
It can be a very frightening realization – or a supremely empowering one. Sometimes, it’s both!
Response vs. reaction is a fundamental concept in the practice of mindfulness. When an event occurs, you again have a choice to respond or react to it.
Here’s the difference: response is when you fully accept the reality of the moment and choose to take the most positive action possible in full awareness that you are consciously making that choice.
Reaction is when you act like what is happening should not be, that life is out to destroy you and you’re a victim of your circumstances. It’s dissolving your state of Being into resistance, worry, anxiety, fear and snap judgements.
Here’s an example: you’re driving to a very important meeting and you get a flat tire on the way there. Except you don’t know how to change a tire. A reactionary person gets out of the car, scream obscenities, kicks the car, breaks their foot and bemoans the fact that life hates them so much.
They go back into the car, full of rage, frustration and a lack of clarity. They are in full resistance to what is happening, devolving into victim consciousness and doing nothing positive or proactive to assist the situation.
They have forgotten about their original aim: to show up to this very important meeting.
Conversely, a responsive person would get the same flat tire en route to the very important meeting, pull over to the safest location possible, get out of the car and say, “Ah, crap. Okay, hmmmm, what can I do to make sure the car is safe and taken care of while I handle this meeting?”
Perhaps they call roadside assistance to ask for help and then call the person they were supposed to meet and explain the situation.
Perhaps they drive the car to a safe position on the shoulder of the highway or a side street, lock the car, take their valuables and just rideshare to their meeting.
No matter the eventual action, they are making a choice to see reality clearly and respond to it with a positive, proactive set of options that can help them achieve their intended aim: to get to the freakin’ meeting.
There is no resistance, no anger, no victimhood, no “woe is me” thinking clouding their vision – people who respond to life have practiced seeing clearly what is and then taking the most appropriate action.
When you respond to life, you maintain a positive, clear and effective state of Being. When you react to life, you create a painful, muddled, ineffective state of Being. Every single day, we get handed a new deck of cards. We have no control over the hand we’re dealt.
We DO, however, have control over how we’re going to play them.
When you choose to respond to life with acceptance, positive action, clarity and calmness – the chances for a loving and lasting resolution to life’s challenges become greater. And boy – do we all get plenty of chances to practice this every… single… day. That’s how much life loves you and wants you to wake up.
Perhaps they drive the car to a safe position on the shoulder of the highway or a side street, lock the car, take their valuables and just rideshare to their meeting.
No matter the eventual action, they are making a choice to see reality clearly and respond to it with a positive, proactive set of options that can help them achieve their intended aim: to get to the freakin’ meeting.
There is no resistance, no anger, no victimhood, no “whoa is me” bullshit clouding their vision – people who respond to life have practiced seeing clearly what is and then taking the most appropriate action.
Superhero Action Step!
The next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable, challenging or grossly inconvenient situation and you find yourself dissolving into a reactionary state of Being, stop yourself as quickly as possible. Stop, close your eyes, take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself…
“What’s real here? What’s truly important right NOW?”
This can literally stop the cycle of toxic, damaging reactivity before it even begins. Breathe, breathe, and breathe some more, take a few moments if possible to ground yourself and examine your options for a response.
Then, when you are able to calm your breath and your body, choose the most positive, loving, appropriate response to the situation.
This practice can help to save you from saying (or doing) a lot of dumb shit that you might regret later. Trust me on this one.
